06
Jul
09

Douchebag Fashion Statements–Puka Shells

People wear puka shells as a means of looking cool. How does it look cool? It doesn’t, but they’re all the rage with A&F models to evoke a beachside feel.

This kills two birds in one stroke. Douchebags try to look like models. At the same time, they also like the beach because it coincides with their party boy image. As far as a douche is concerned, puka shells are badges of honor to prove that they live on the California coast.

Despite their popularity in the Golden State, Puka shells don’t originate from California. Even the most ignorant of douchebags are informed enough to know that they’re from Hawai’i. However, douchebags care little of Hawai’i or its culture for that matter.

In this respect, what ultimately makes puka shells douchey is that their wearers are essentially ethnic tourists. An ethnic tourist knows little of the culture he’s witnessing and doesn’t care because ignorance is in his best interest. It enables him to simplify and reduce an entire culture to the size of a trinket. They’re willing to take everything from a culture, but its historical hardships.

As is the case with most douchebag fashion statements, it’s futile to address the absurdity of their attire. They could care less about instances about modes of critical theory let alone the proper fashion etiquette for that matter. Since douchebags travel in droves, their posse will argue in favor of their style in unison to the bitter end. Trying to talk down a lone wolf douchie is a feat in itself, persuading an entire group of them is a divine miracle. If convincing douchebags the error of their ways were an easy feat, then Orange County would have disposed of puka shells a long time ago.

Acceptable Instances

Unlike other douchebag fashion statements, there are instances in which Puka shells are acceptable.

Women are allowed to wear puka shells without scrutiny. Certain fashion statements are gender specific and for some reason they look less ridiculous around a woman’s neck.

Along with gender, ethnicity factors into rules of puka shell acceptability. Asians can wear puka shells without prejudice because people immediately assume that they’re from Hawai’i.

With this in mind, it’s permissible for native Hawai’ians to adorn puka shells. Since it was invented by their culture, it’s not an exploited commodity. Be warned though, White Hawai’ians still have to show proof of their state of birth. This is only natural in a place where Whites are the de facto minority and discrimination works on both ends of the spectrum

These are the only ways in which it’s acceptable to look like a douchesack.

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