Personal Accounts: The Racist Drugged out Douchie

Note: This will be an ongoing segment dedicated to personal accounts of douchebaggery.

I attended a private junior college in California’s south bay. Except for the students who were on scholarships, this college had its fair share of spoiled douchebags.

There was one transfer student who stood out in particular. He previously attended Colorado State and was a year older than us, but came in as a freshmen. The reason was because of a DUI arrest. He boasted about how his time off in jail really helped him learn a lot and gave him time for contemplation. You’d think that he returned from missionary work in India.

Apparently his time off wasn’t enough for him to give up his cocaine habit. He took that with him to California. But it wasn’t his drug habit that made him a douchebag. That’s only part of it.

A reenactment of his extra curricular activities.

A reenactment of his extra curricular activities.

He managed to persuade his parents into ordering packages of prescription drugs for him across South America. His argument consisted of this: “If you don’t buy them for me, then I’ll just get them illegally anyway.” Most parents would rightfully smack someone across the face for even speaking this way, but it takes a special couple to produce someone like him.

The contents of his South American packages consisted of unlawfully obtained prescription pills, some of which my friends and I suspected to be steroids. (His upper body was grotesquely disproportionate to his lower).

Have you ever had a friend who would make racial jokes around your mixed-race girlfriend? He has nothing on this guy. He had a Black roommate, to whom he said during a late night conversation, “The one thing that I have with Black people is…” He went on to list every stereotype imaginable. It was enough to make David Duke blush. We had to drag his roommate out of building before a fight could ensue.

This guys long lost uncle.

This guy's long lost uncle.

To make matters worse, he would always refer to girls that he was interested as “That Asian girl”, “That Mexican (she was actually Columbian) girl,” or “That half-breed chick.” He sounded like a horny colonial rapist as he spoke of them.

He predictably got kicked out of housing for drug possession, but this tale ends on a happy note.

He eventually transferred to UCLA with the aide of his father who was their director of athletics. It’s appropriate given that I associate some level of toolishness and douchebaggery with that the university because of its rivalry with USC. To further add to this, both colleges seem to think of themselves as the Ivy’s of the West even though no outsider has called them such. It’s the perfect place for him to find other douchebags at a local fraternity to revel in his prickishness.

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June 2009
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