Douchebag Public Figures

Note: This will be a recurring segment based on douchebag public figures and celebrities.

Hey, look! Another photo opportunity.

Hey, look! Another photo opportunity.

Net denizens never agree on anything. Whether it be politics or video games, discussions are likely to escalate into flame wars. In spite of this, they all concur on one thing: Director Michael Bay sucks.

How does he suck? For one, Michael Bay’s films are predictably formulaic and seem like caricatures of themselves. There are several things that are certain about a Michael Bay flick, they’re bound to have explosions, gratuitous shots of women, and overdramatic slow motion reels. He’s the subject of various internet and television parodies. But does being a bad director immediately make someone a douchebag? Just take a look at this photo.

Don't hate me because I spend 2 hours on my hair. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Don't hate me because I spend 2 hours on my hair. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Everything about this picture screams “douchebag” from his layered hair to that overconfident smirk, not to mention that he openly poses for the camera like a glamour shot on myspace.

It isn’t looks alone that fully qualify one as a douchebag. His films are rated as such on Rotten Tomatoes: Pearl Harbor (25%), Armageddon (40%), Transformers (57%), Bad Boys (42%), Bad Boys 2 (23%), and The Island (40%). So far, with the exception of the Rock, he hasn’t received a single “fresh” rating. If this is the case, then how does Bay continue to make movies?

If there’s one thing that Michael Bay is good at, it’s blowing things up. With that in mind, there’s nothing that summer movie audiences love more than explosions. This would explain why his films are financially successful despite their critical failures.

Michael Bay totally ignores what critics have to say and repeats the same techniques that viewers hound him for. Despite looking like an idiot and repeating the same offenses, Bay has delusions of grandeur and seems to liken himself to the new Spielberg. Personal friends of mine have interviewed him in the past and claimed that he delivers speeches on set professing that his crew is making something historical. This is coming from the guy who made Pearl Harbor into a romantic laughing stock.

Finally, his films are filled with as much female objective treatment as a dime-store porno. Everybody loves fan service, but Bay pushes it past the next level like a film frat boy.

Gratuitous? Not everyone would think so.

Gratuitous? Not everyone would think so.

Bay encompasses the classic image of a douchebag: someone who looks and acts like a grandiose idiot in spite of failing to deliver every time.

See Also:

Michael Bay’s Dark Knight script.

Michael Bay “quits.”

Breakfast as directed by Michael Bay.

The Onion on Michael Bay.

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June 2009
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